What attributes would you like for your lover?

  • Ah, my duty as a friend, apparently is to chase girls for my pals, hahah.

    Anyway, this got me thinking in a common thread that we don't have yet. A thread to talk about what are you all looking for in a potential lovel.

    Do you have a strict set of requirements?
    What things are a deal-breaker for you?
    What things are essential?

    :-D

  • Somehow this thread escaped my notice up to now.

    We have to be able to talk. That's really paramount for me. We need to be able to have engaging conversations.

    We need to be sexually compatible. Our sexual passions need to be complimantary. She needs to be willing to experiment and try new things. She needs to respect my boundaries, and she needs to be willing to put aside judgements.

    She needs to be independant. If she expects me to spend a ton of time with her every day, it'll never work. She needs her own passions and interests. She needs to know that our relationship is not as important as our individuality.

    She needs to be supportive. She needs to be there when I need her, she needs to be reliable. I need her to care about my pursuits, and help me to achieve my goals.

    She needs to know that I don't do the standard set of relationship agreements. I'm not monogamous, and I don't make promises about 'forever.'

    It helps if she gets my sense of humor, and any hobbies we share are also a bonus.

    Of course, anything I expect of her, I also expect of myself.

  • Honestly, I have requirements that probably will seem really intense or strict (at least one has been touched upon in another thread).

    Requirements:

    • Must play video games. This one is super high on my list, and is extremely important. I can't actually imagine dating somebody who wouldn't touch video games. I would like them to play video games WITH me, so it's important that they're into multi-player anything (or willing to play singleplayer games with me). I could be playing the worst game ever, and as long as the person I love is also playing it, I can have fun.
    • Can't watch porn. I don't do it, and I expect my significant other not to as well (this was touched upon in another thread). It's a personal thing, and I tell them very early on if we're going to be serious, then they can't while they're with me. If they can't handle that much... Yeah, they're out the door. I don't want to put up with that.
    • Must not be extremely unhealthy. I know it'll seem shallow, but I wouldn't want to invest myself romantically in somebody extremely obese. I'm a moderately healthy person myself, or at least I try to be, and I would like my significant other to try to be as well. At the core, it isn't about looks. It's about health and this does go both ways in the weight spectrum. I don't want to romantically involve myself with somebody excessively skinny either. I'm an asshole, I know. This also extends into the topic of drugs, smoking, etc. Drugs, excessive smoking, and excessive drinking are all no-go's.
    • Must be willing to put up with my lifestyle choices. I'm a vegetarian, and sometimes a pescatarian for health reasons. I'm also agnostic, but lean somewhats towards Christianity (very mildly, probably because of my upbringing). If they're going to have serious issues with me being the way I am, then it wont work out with us. I can't/wont change how I live in these regards. You'd be surprised about how many people get offended at me for being a vegetarian, it's crazy. They're immediately like "Woah, well, I eat meat cus it tastes good and you better not say shit about it rararararararara" and I'm like... Woah, slow down there, I haven't even said anything except state that I don't eat meat...
    • Must like animals enough to own a pet. I love my cat Simba with a passion. He's my big baby. I couldn't ever choose a guy over him.


    Preferences:

    • I prefer guys who are willing to take some time to go outside and walk with me. I hate being cramped in one spot all the time.
    • I'm very much into swimming and hate doing it alone. I'd like it if my significant other would swim. I know a lot of people who hate swimming and it always baffles me.
    • I like a guy who is willing to go out at night with me to make a trip to the local food joint for late night snacks on the rare occasion. I find that fun.
    • Going to the gym together to work out is always a plus, although just going for walks is always an alternative (that I LOVEEE).
    • Enjoying shows together, anime or TV shows, is like THE BEST.

    I never used to have a list of strict requirements, but the older I got and the more assholes I dated, the more I realized that I was worth more than just accepting any guy who happened to show interest in me while I was single. I ask questions, I let them know what I like and don't like. If they can't handle me, that's fine. I like being single. I like it a lot actually. >.>

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  • Yeah, I'm really persnickety, but I also do prefer being single. I'm not one for relationships, and I've had a lot of rather unpleasant experiences with significant others in the past. They've wasted my feelings and time. I've had them blow me off for weeks and months while expecting me to remain monogamous with them, and nearly all of my boyfriends has cheated on me. :lengua: And this was during the time when I was a lot more open to who I was with, and was a lot more forgiving about everything. Sooo... me being a hardass didn't drive them to cheating, because I was willing to roll over and take a lot of abuse from them.

    For me, it's not about the "honor" of dating me, it's just about what I'm willing to accept and what I'm not willing to accept from past experience. I'd rather just not waste my time and their's if I know I wont like what they'll do.

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    • Official Post

    9 billion people (abouts) on the planet, buddy. They exist.

    Obvs I'm married with a kid, but hypothetically:

    Requirements:

    Respects my authority over me. In other words, not violent or abusive, respects my right to be in charge of my own body and my own personal affairs. When my ex was on my lap and I asked her to move or get up, I'd get "No, I'm comfy". Sod that. I treat my other half's body as her sacred property, I expect the same in return.

    Doesn't cheat. I like the idea of an open relationship, and I think in the early stages, I'd be happy to indulge in one. But knowing me, I suspect I wouldn't continue to be happy with it as the relationship progressed. As much as I'd like to be, I'm not cut out for an open. My relationship is a refuge from wider society, and I'd like to keep wider society out.

    Honest. We all have flaws, but we don't all have a genuine desire to reduce them. In a relationship, I put a lot of effort into growing and improving for the other person, to get to know them and how to make them happy. It can't be one-sided. If someone doesn't care about being a good person, and standing by their own standards, they can't be trusted. Under the same banner, if we need to talk about something, we need to talk properly. I don't expect everyone to be versed in the logical fallacies, but I certainly need someone who can rise above name-calling and point scoring to have a proper conversation when we need one. That's being honest.

    Let's me have some time. I don't mind her being a little clingy, I can understand that. But a little solitude now and then is healthy.

    Accepts my vegetarianism, my political and religious viewpoints, and my choice of clothing.

    Between 18-35.

    Is female

    Is human

    Preferences:

    Of course, being versed in the logical fallacies would be a bonus.

    Loves learning. Doesn't matter what.

    Likes some of the same music. Music is huge to me, always has been, always will be.

    I was going to put 'speaks English' but actually, I imagine it'd be really cool to date someone who speaks something else. Communicating in other ways, and growing into each other's languages over time might be a transcendant experience.

    Is compassionate.