Posts by Shrukan

  • Dark Heart Brother (later Shrukan chapter)

    Dark Hearted Brother



    Shrukan was awestricken by the words that came out of the Plagues mouth. Brothers? How? How was he related to a sick and demented being of darkness? What made his destiny tie with a demon?

    ?Brother?? Shrukan snarled. ?I have no brother!?

    ?Deny it as much as you want, but isn?t it strange how both of us look similar?? Avinash curled his lips into a smile. ?Look at us, brother. We both have the same traits as one another: dark red hair, blue eyes, and the almost similar figures. Our mother and father?s blood lives within us??

    ?Liar!? Shrukan snapped back. ?I was born an only child!?

    ?I see Mother never really told you the truth? Your mother hid your legacy away from you? Your father? She aid he abandoned you at birth? Oh how you only know the half of it!? His left arm extended out and the Shadow Sword sunk into his body. ?Yes? Father abandoned you and took me. I was the superior one to you. My body, already at a young age, ready for combat and the thrill of battle. You however were not as lucky. Born weak and fragile, and you still are.?

    ?Enough talk! Fight me now! I?ll end you!? Shrukan ran forward, but was held back as two shadow hands grabbed a hold of his legs.

    ?Mother never told you about Father much, because of the way he treated her? Did she?? Avinash smiled as Shrukan snarled again. ?I can tell. Yes. She didn?t.?

    Shrukan?s fist clutched up into a ball as he felt a surge of dark energy flow in his body. His eyes changed from a soft blue, to an angry red hue. ?Don?t you talk bad about my mother!?

    ?Our mother?? Avinash corrected. ?Our mother??

    Another fresh surge of dark energy flew through Shrukan as he grew steadily angrier every second. He clutched his fist in a tight ball as he shot a Shadow Sphere at Avinash, who only deflected with another Shadow Sphere, causing them to cancel out.

    ?Pathetic? Simply pathetic. A god such as you, and you use the element I am the master of! Darkness cannot topple darkness!?

    Avinash laughed, more sick than before as he looked up into the sky. ?See father! I told you! I told you even my brother couldn?t stop me! What a fool you were!?

    Shrukan stood there for a few seconds. What demented mind, clouded in darkness.

    Avinash turned his head back down and looked at Shrukan. The decayed flesh on his face started to grow even more over his face; now there was some under his right eye.

    ?The darkness feeds on the light?? Avinash said, as one eye turned red, as the other remained blue. ?Yes? I?ll be in full control soon??

    Full control? Is Avinash actually being controlled by a demon? Maybe he is right and we?re brothers? But what if he is lying?? He must! A demon is a demon still!

    Shrukan sighed and concentrated the little Light Energy he had and blasted the arms holding his legs.

    ?Watch out!? Shrukan yelled as he planted a sword into Avinash?s left arm.

    Avinash only looked over to Shrukan with his left eye as the sword sunk through the arm and landed on the ground behind them.

    ?A useless attack boy.? Avinash?s voice was deeper than before. ?Your sword attacks are useless?? He tossed Shrukan off to the side and kicked the Dragon Fang sword back to Shrukan. ?Care to try again??

  • [Shrukan] Kye Syoshi's Training

    Ok here are the problems:

    Quote

    It was a dark, rainy day and Kye was walking toward the Battle Grounds school. "Ugh, I can't belive myself, Actually losing to someone. I seek revenge, And to do that, I must fight with excellence!" Kye had the map to the school in his hand. "Odd. This isn't the path on what it looks to be on the map..." Some minutes later, Kye comes in contact with another fighter.

    You have it to make it like this:

    Quote

    It was a dark, rainy day and Kye was walking toward the Battle Grounds school.

    "Ugh, I can't belive myself, Actually losing to someone. I seek revenge, And to do that, I must fight with excellence!" Kye had the map to the school in his hand. "Odd. This isn't the path on what it looks to be on the map..."

    Some minutes later, Kye comes in contact with another fighter.

    Or improve like this:

    Characters talking are separated per character speaking, not all one paragraph, as I shown above.

    Paragraphs are bunched up actions.

    For example at the end:

    I know this maybe sounding a bit as a pain, but this is what I am having troubles with:

    I'll be using the 6+1 traits I learn at school:

    http://www.madison.k12.wi.us/tnl/langarts/sixtrtcrsmtrl.htm

    Ideas: Rating: 5

    Good. You focus on the main point of the post.

    Organization: Rating: 4

    Some parts were bunched together that really didn't need to be. I showed you your errors in the organization. That is the main problem in this post.

    Voice: Rating: 2

    I sensed no real voice in this. Most of it sounded mechanized and hardly any real emotion to it. All I really did hear was machines... No offense.

    Word Choice: Rating: 3

    Everyday words, and nothing striking. Striking words (used corectly), help improve the writing.

    Sentence Fluency: (not going to bother)

    I hope you understand. Continue on with the "story".


    NEW ASSIGNMENT!

    Describe more on your surroundings, including character's actions and how they act. Shrukan, your teacher, is my character. He is smartass at times, but since he is a teacher, he is more dead serious than before.

    Trying doing this:

    -Give each character in the story their own personality. Like lazy, ambitious, happy-go-lucky, etc.
    - Describe the room. Is it white? Is it white with writing all over it?
    - Describe the other characters and their clothing.

    ETC. I hope this doesn't hurt you, but that's the REAL main points in RPGing is giving good description so the person you RPG with has an idea of what is going on.

    Edit: I noticed capitalization errors, and minor typos. Make sure to look it over before posting.

  • Possible new SSB game names?

    I was wondering if a few people can come up with new names or something for a newer brawl. It'd maybe awesome.

    Figure this:

    Quote

    me?lee1 /ˈmeɪleɪ, meɪˈleɪ, ˈmɛleɪ/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[mey-ley, mey-ley, mel-ey] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
    ?noun
    1. a confused hand-to-hand fight or struggle among several people.
    2. confusion; turmoil; jumble: the melee of Christmas shopping.

    Well if you look on dictionary.com, you can find some similar words to fight.

    action, affray, altercation, argument, battle, battle royal*, bout, brawl, broil, brush, clash, combat, conflict, confrontation, contention, contest, controversy, difficulty, disagreement, dispute, dissension, dogfight, duel, engagement, exchange, feud, fisticuffs*, fracas, fray, free-for-all*, fuss, hostility, joust, match, melee, quarrel, riot, rivalry, round, row, ruckus, rumble, scrap*, scrimmage, scuffle, set-to*, skirmish, sparring match, strife, struggle, tiff*, tussle, war, wrangling

    *= slang

    You notice all the names for SSB are relating to fight? I wonder if there can be others?

    You think them up and post em here. I just want to see how many names we can make that are cool.

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