Chapter 4- Remembrance Grave (preview to my story chapter 4)

  • There it was, implanted into the cold, soggy, ground. A sign of remembrance, a tombstone, gray toned and worn from the past storms. Engraved on the tombstone read: "Misura Caelestis: Mother, Wife, and friend."

    It had been nearly seven years since she past away, so suddenly in her home in Gladar. No one ever knew why she died in the first place, no one had killed her. Her death was a mystery to everyone, but some claim it was fate.

    Shrukan remembered her awkward stare. Her unmoving eyes that gazed to the sky above. Shrukan was only eight years old, young and naive, and couldn't grasp the moment. He still thought she was alive, just over turned probably looking up to see something wrong with the ceiling, but she was in fact dead. His heart felt a sharp pain within itself as it pulsed.

    "Why couldn't it be me....?" He placed his hand on the tombstone as rain drops ran down his arms and hair. "Why couldn't it be me?!" A crackle of thunder rushed past him, but he didn't care. His tail whipped violently behind him as emotions over whelmed him. "Life screwed me!" He shouted towards the sky, before bringing his head back down. The rain and clouds gathered more and more. The thunder crashed more frequently. His tail slammed into the ground, kicking up mud and water into the sky.

    He slid down onto his knees and grabbed onto the tombstone, the cold feeling of the rain and the stone made his heart ache even more. Tears flew down his arm as he tried to control his emotions, all the while feeling the pounding of the rain drops on the back of his body. His dark red hair grew damp and laid gently on his head. His tail slithered in the mud, like a confused snake.

    "Mother..." Shrukan's tail slammed into the mud again. He bit his thumb and let the blood run out of it, etching his initials onto the tombstone, which surprisingly dried up quickly, even though it was raining. "I lost so much in my life. You. Argath. Nava..." He gasped a bit before continuing. "All because of that damned Shadow Beast!" He dug his hands into the mud and tore away at it. He then clutched his sword and snarled. "That...PLAGUE! I'll kill him!"

    Shrukan stood up and looked into the sky, as sick and twisted thoughts formed into his mind. "Yes... That fool. Killing my only family! I KILL HIM! I'll show him how it feels to be alone!" His tail whipped violently behind him as he smilied, sickly and satisfied...

    [preview only, still working on Chapter 1 at the moment.]

  • Very emotional... That's what made it good. I could feel Shrukan's despair/sadness/emerging madness as he reminisced about his past. I also found the part where he found his mother had died very good, too. I could picture that very clearly.

    For being "rushed", it was still very good. Looking forward to the full chapter. :)



    BIG thanks to Shrukan for the Darkrai sig and Fan banner thing!!
    -Also known as Stelie (in Relosc), and Steelblast (a Decepticon).-

    Quote from Muigi

    [Today 01:46 PM] Muigi: Godzilla could kick that beached-whale monster's ass anyday.