Tales of the Altered Mind

So, ya know that guy who starts all of his stories with "Oh man, so I got totally smashed last weekend..."?

We all agree that guy is an asshole, right?

None the less, sometimes mind-altering substances produce some interesting stories. So post your drugs and alcohol stories here. No judgements.

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So, I've been looking for work for about 4 months now. During that time, I never knew when I was going to get a job, and I didn't know if the job I would eventually get would perform drug tests. I'm not a big weed smoker usually, but it was annoying to pass up all the good opportunities to smoke that I had in those 4 months. (We seriously had a 12 hour blackout in my area. That would have been such a good time to smoke! Augh!)

So today I got stoned, and decided to go out for a pizza. I'm poor, so I just walked into the local Little Caesar's, and asked if they had any pepperoni hot-n-readies. (They're only $6). The lady behind the counter, as a joke, said "Nope. We've only got cheeseburger pizzas here today."

Now, I wasn't so high that I couldn't function in normal society. I could smile, ask for food, and pay for food, and act perfectly normal. But this joke fucking threw me. I couldn't tell it was a joke. So I just said "sure, a cheeseburger pizza sounds awesome."

She said she was joking. I said she should totally make cheeseburger pizzas anyway, because they sounded awesome.

(Full disclosure: this is about as exciting as my stories get.)

I also didn't drink at all until I was older. I was 27 years old before I tasted any alcohol. I've discovered I have a pretty high tolerance for the stuff. I can empty a bottle of Bourbon and the worst I get is a mild headache the next day. (Though Vodka makes me feel miserable, no matter how little of it I drink. Cheap-ass Cabernets are my current alcohol of choice)

I did throw up after drinking once. But it's not because of the Alcohol. My girlfriend and I were having a quiet evening in. We were eating those cheap $1 frozen pizzas, and I was drinking beer. (Blue Moon is my beer of choice). Anyway, I wanted to get silly-drunk, but there wasn't very much alcohol in the beer. After finishing the whole six pack, I started to get really painful stomach cramps, then eventually had to throw up.

I figure the huge amount of carbonation in the beer is actually what made me sick. That, or the $1 pizzas.

Cheap rum was one of the first hard liquors I tried. I fuckin' hated it. It was awhile before I tried a hard liquor again, and discovered that I really enjoy a good whiskey. It's a good way to get silly fast. Beer is pleasant to drink, but at most I get a very light buzz from it. Wine is nice because it's cheap (I've been able to find $3-$5 bottles of Cabernet), pleasant to drink, pairs well with food, and gets me plenty silly.

I've only been drinking for a little more than a year. I don't know why I haven't really gotten hangovers yet. Nothing more than a mild headache anyway.

I drink a lot of water already, which may explain my general lack of hangovers.

One of the times I got drunkest, actually, was when my siblings came to visit me for a weekend. I make a pretty good chili, so we went to the grocery store to buy some ingredients, and load up on booze. I made the unfortunate mistake of choosing to start drinking before I started cooking. It apparently took me over two hours to open all the cans of beans. When I asked them later why no one had offered to help me, they reminded me that they had offered. But I kept assuring them that I could handle it myself.

This might also be a good one. Shortly after my girlfriend and I started smoking weed together, we decided to get really high and watch a Will Ferrel movie, because we were in the middle of watching through all his recent comedies. We had two left at that point: "The Other Guys," and "Casa De Mi Padre." We chose the latter.

For those who haven't seen it, "Casa De Mi Padre" is entirely in Spanish, with English subtitles.

We spent the first 15 minutes of the movie looking at one another and hoping they would start speaking English soon. Eventually we had to turn the movie off because we just couldn't handle reading subtitles. We switched to "The Other Guys," which I had to re-watch a few months later because I remembered absolutely nothing about it.

We've never gotten quite that high again. It wasn't fun at all.

"Casa De Mi Padre" is actually a really good movie, by the way.

@Aphelion get in here.

My drinking times have been relatively benign lately. Just a lot of frank honest, which I always aim for, but am much better at while drunk. =P

I did smoke for the first time in a while the other day. Not much, but I did briefly hit that beautiful state where a series of tangential thoughts flow one from the other, into a kind of waking dream. A word dream, rather than visual or auditory one. I do love that. Makes me understand how some people find religious significance in marijuana.