TP Parody

Since OoT got out voted by TP, I've made a TP one. So, yeah.

Chapter 1: Fishing Rod

Rusl: Tell me, do you ever feel a great sadness as dusk falls?

Link: Yes.

Rusl: What kind of s-s-sadness?

Link: That I live in a village full of morons! I mean come on!

Rusl: W-w-what do you m-m-mean?

Link: You stammer. Your wife is-

Rusl: Don?t you go talking about m-m-m-y wife l-l-l-like that.

Link: Yeah? Why not?

Rusl: It?s getting l-l-l-late. L-lets head b-b-back to the village.

Link: Sure. Whatever.

Rusl: S-s-sweet.

Link: *At the gate* PLEASE tell me you didn?t lose the key.

Rusl: I d-d-didn?t lose the k-key.

Link: Damn it Rusl.

Rusl: I t-told you I d-d-d-didn?t l-lose the key.

Link: You gotta get rid of all the crack you keep hidden in your pocket.

Rusl: Ssssh. I m-moved it. It?s in m-my-

Link: I don?t wanna know. Lock the gate.

Rusl: *locks gate with sword* I?m a-awesome.

Link: No your g-g-gay.

Rusl: D-don?t m-m-make fun of m-my stammer.

Link: Whatever.

*At his house*

Rusl: B-bye.

Colin: *Stares at Link*

Link: Such a sweet little boy. He?s my favorite! He never talks!

Colin: *grins evilly*

Link: :0

Ilia: Hi Epona! How you doing girl?

Epona: I was fine until Link sat his fat ass wood on me. Will you take care of me?

Ilia: Such a pretty girl. Wanna go get washed up?

Epona: Yeah! I like you washing me a lot more then Link.

Ilia: Let?s go! *leaves*

Fado: YO LINK! YOU GONNA COME DOWN HERE FOOL?!

Link: Why should I Fade?

Fado: IT?S PRONOUNCED FADO DUMB ASS! COME ROUND UP DA GOATS DUDE.

Link: >.<

Fado: YO! WHERE IS EPONA DAWG?!

Link: *comes out* Damn it Ilia. *runs*

Ilia: Anyway, Beth was all ?Link likes me better? and I was all ?No, I?m his best friend? and she stared crying like Malo when he craps himself and Talo was all like Shut up and then Beth cried even harder. Do you think Link likes me more the Beth?

Epona: No. He?s gay. He likes Colin over all ya?ll. Don?t you get it? Oh?a little to the left?

Ilia: Oh! Hi Link.

Epona: Link?s here?! No! Ilia, quick, push me over and say I?m dead!

Link: Why do you always take Epona away from me? You know I need her all the time!

Ilia: Oh hush and stop staring at me with your freaky sky blue eyes.

Link: You stop staring at me with your pine green eyes!

Ilia & Link: *Look at Epona* And stop staring at us with those huge tree bark brown eyes!

Epona: The heck did I do to you guys?

Ilia: You better hurry. *Hugs Link* Bye.

Link: *Runs off on Epona* I love it when she hugs me?how her boobs rub against my chest, oh yeah!

Epona: You?re a boy? Huh?I never knew that. Over all these years, no matter how much you got on me or stepped in front of me, I thought you where a girl.

Link: I love you to!

Epona: I didn?t say that moron.
__________________________________________________________________

Talo: Link! Come on down here!

Link: What did I win?

Talo: Nothing! Come on down here! Hurry!

Beth: Yeah! It?s like, so totally awesome news. Dude.

Malo: oh no. its so stupid. I command you to come down.

Link: *jumps out window* WHAAAAAAAT?!

Malo: you must buy us the slingshot at the shop. I command you to.

Talo: Yeah! Listen to meh little brotha!

Beth: Why can?t you guys buy it on your own? With your own money? Dude.

Talo: I ain?t got none rupees.

Malo: I not got rupees. I command you to buy it.

Link: ?Ya?ll make none sense?I mean no sense! ;_;

Malo: I command you.

Link: Alright! Damn.
___________________________

Link: Huh? Sera? What?s wrong? Are you okay?

Sera: NO! MY CAT YOU FREAKIN GAYWAD! BLONDE! MY CAT HASN?T RETURN IN DAYS!

Link: Your cat? First off, I ain?t gay. And second, I?ve got brown hair, not blonde.

Sera: MY CAT! POOR MISTER JIGGERS!

Link: Pfffft! Mr. Jiggers?

Sera: FIND MY KITTIE!

Link: What kind of name is Mr. Jiggers?

Sera: What kind of name is Link?

Link: ?
___________________________

Uli: Oh my?the cradle. What ever shall I do? Oh dear.

Link: Hey, Uli! Where?s Coli- What?s wrong?

Uli: The cradle. Oh dear the cradle I made. Oh my goodness.

Link: Your cradle? *Calls hawk* Get the cradle!

Hawk: You think you can boss me around?! I am a friend of the bald eagle! You can?t boss me around! Stupid human!

Link: GO!

Hawk: You son of a no good rotten son of a?Hmm? *Gets cradle*

Link: Thank you. Uli, here you go!

Uli: How DARE you link!

Link: Huh?

Uli: Did you just take my cradle away and say the monkey took it, use your hawk, and bring it back to impress me?!

Link: What? No! I like Ilia! Your a lot older then me! Really!

Uli: Son of a-

Colin: *comes out of house*

Uli: Colin! Hey sweetie. What are you doing out here?

Colin: *looks at link and shows fishing pole*

Uli: Oh yes! Link, Colin wants to give something to you. *goes in side*

Link: Thanks Colin!

Colin: *Stares at Link*

Link: So um?Watch ca doing?

Colin: *Walks away*

Link: Why is he my favorite anyway? O.o;

Uli: Get off my lawn.

Link: Okay! Geez, is everyone in a bad mood today?

Well, he was too popular in the game for me, so, yeah. XD

Don't worry, it will. ;3

LOL, okay.

Chapter 2: The Attack

Mr. Jiggers: Oh no. Here comes the hill billy…No! He’s no hill billy. He’s a redneck. Stupid Redneck.

Link: *Starts fishing eyeing the cat*

Mr. Jiggers: Fish for me?

Link: Yes! I caught a greengill! Saweet!

Mr. Jiggers: My fish! Catch another one fool!

Link: *Catches another* Um…

Mr. Jiggers: My fish! *grabs*

Link: No kitty! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Mr. Jiggers: *runs into the store*

Link: …-_-

*inside the shop*

Sera: Oh Link! Look! My cat caught his own fish! How adorable!

Link: I caught that.

Sera: He’s such a little genius! What would you like dear? *pets kitty*

Link: The slingshot.

Sera: Share it with the kids. *winks*

Link: Okay. *outside* MINE! It’s all mine. My precious. My precious.

Talo: Link! You got the slingshot!

On Screen Text Box: That’s my job kid. I was smoking. So….DA-DA-DAAAAAA! YOU GOT THE SLINGSHOT! JUST ONE OF THESE CAN KICK A KIDS ASS! OH MY!

Link: …

Malo: I command you to show us how to use it.

Link: o.o Okay.

Beth: You guys are so demanding. Dude. Why are you wasting your time with these two doofuses? Dude.

Link: Because, DUDE I want to and Malo scares me.

Malo: Boo.

Link: :0

Talo: Awesome! Your gonna show us! Yay!

Link: Do you always have to have an “!” at the end of every sentence?

Talo: Yes!

Malo: Show us.

*Link shows them. He goes into his house and gets the wooden sword*

Link: Huh? What in the name of Hyrule is this?

On Screen Text Box: DA-DA-DAAAAAAAAAAAAA! YOU GOT THE WOODEN SWORD! RUSL WAS BEING A B**** AND GAVE YOU A WOODEN ONE INSTEAD OF A REAL ONE! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY YOU!

Link: Uh!

Talo: Wow! You got a stick! Why do you have a stick?!

Malo: I command you to tell us.

Link: It’s a sword.

Beth: But, dude, its all….wooden….dude.

Link: …

Talo: The monkey! Stupid thing, get back here!

Malo: I command you to stop monkey…

Beth: Dudes! Waaaaaaaaait!

Link: *hops on Epona* Huh? Colin? What are you doing there?

Colin: *Stares evilly*

Link: …Okay.

*Yada yada yada. You know how the story goes!!!!!!! D:<*

Fado: Yo man, thanks for rounding up dem sheep!

Link: their goats…

Fado: Yeah!

Link: *rides down the hill* Hi Ilia!

Ilia: Link! Hi!!!

Link: Hey Bobo, whats up? *gets off and walks over to the mayor*

Bobo: Well, as you *cough* know, the *cough* present for the Royal Family is *cough* ready.

Link: Awesome.

Bobo: *cough* *cough* Take it to the family and return *cough* okay?

Ilia: Huh?! What’s this?!

Epona: Ooh! Somebody’s in trouble!

Ilia: Link! There’s a cut on Epona’s leg!

Link: Err…

Ilia: LINK! HOW COULD YOU?! YOU WERE PUSHING EPONA TO HARD AGAIN WEREN’T YOU?! YOU HURT HER LEG JUMPING FENCES DIDN’T YOU?! YOU WERE TO BUSY THINKING FOR SOMETHING ELSE THEN YOUR OWN HORSES SAFTEY! EPONA COULD DIE!

Epona: Tell him how it is sister.

Bobo: Now *cough* Now Ilia, no need to get so *cough* hot with him.

Ilia: FATHER! YOU EXPECT ME TO BE GETTING HOT FOR THIS HORSE ABUSER?! NO WAY! I’M NEVER WEARING THAT TWO PIECE BATHING SUIT YOU BOUGHT FOR ME DAD! YOU’RE THE MAYOR! HOW COULD YOU BE SO EASY ON HIM?!

Bobo & Link: *look at each other*

Ilia: Come on Epona, I’ll take you to the Ordon Spring. ^_^

Link: ….You bought her a two piece bikini? D:

Bobo: We need *cough* Epona!
___________________________________

Link: Gawd! Ilia, why’d you have to take Epona? Why couldn’t you just take my shirt- Colin! Hi!

Colin: *Stares at Malo and Talo*

Link: Their in your way? Are you going to see Ilia?

Colin: *Nods head*

Link: Would you at least say something?

Colin: *Shakes head no*

Link: …Yo! Malo, Talo, move!

Talo: No way! You have to give me your sword first!

Link: Stop screaming, I’m right here.

Talo: Give me the sword!

Malo: I command that you change my diaper.

Link: O.O Take it!

Colin: O_O
_______________________________

Ilia: That stupid butt nugget Link. Poor Epona, you got hurt so bad. Are you okay sweetie?

Epona: Yeah. It’s only a small scratch, but you take care of me far better then Link. What a retard.

Colin: -_-;

Ilia: Oh! Colin, what is it?

Colin: ._.

Ilia: What about Link?

Colin: >:0

Ilia: But Colin…

Link: Um…can I have Epona back now?

Ilia: *walks toward Epona*

Epona: Back! Get back you pointed ear redneck! Get!

Ilia: So, you prefer Link over me huh? It’s okay Epona.

Epona: What? No! No! I like you better let me stay with you! Make him walk to the castle!

Link: She loves meh so much.

Ilia: Link, promise me you won’t do anything out of your league.

Link: *looks around nervously*

Ilia: What’d you do?

Link: Um…does ****ing a rock count?

Ilia: O.o

Colin: x.O

Epona: Ssssh! Do you here that? It’s sounds like rumbling…it’s getting closer…closer…CLOSER!!! *farts* Never mind, it was just gas.

Link: Eww…

Ilia: *cough* Gross!

Epona: Whoa! The heck is that sound?!

Bublin#1: Rawr! We come to eat your faces and suck out your guts! Rawr!

Link & Ilia: GASP!

Colin: =3

Bublin#2: *hits Ilia with an arrow* Rawr! I shot woman! Rawr!

Bublin#1: Rawr! Not hit lady you tard! Rawr! *Hits link on the head*

Bublin#2: Rawr! Not hit old ladies!

Link: I’m- not an old lady….oh my look at the pretty Cucco! *faints*

King Bublin: Not hurt me. I is smart king. I goes with other children! *runs off with everyone except Link*

Link: *Wakes up* Huh…were am I??? OMG! Ilia!

Tywar: Lol, we’re getting closer to where we meet Midna.

Me: …You’ve already met me.

Tywar: I mean imp Midna!

Link: Shaddup!

I have my ways. ;3