Dad Situation

  • Yeah, I'm back, but I wish to put something more important than coming back to this site that has recently happened in my life.


    Near the end of April, I was texting my dad, step-mom, and mom, asking for freedom on my phone. They make me have restrictions all around the phone. To get an app, I need a password that only my step-mom knows. This is troubling, because I only see my step-mom every other weekend and almost every Wednesday. So I ask her, "Why not just give the password to my mom, since I see her every day?" I mean, that would be the most logical solution, right?


    Ha, no, not to her. She says, "I could, but I won't."


    I ask why not? Before I go on with this "rant", I must disclose something to everyone. My Asperger's makes my brain not being able to let things go. I need an answer to something, and I will try my best to get an answer. Whenever an adult says, "because I said so," I can't handle that.


    I need a reason. It's how my brain works and I can't change it. So, I ask her why she won't give the password to my mom, and she doesn't give me an answer. I couldn't handle that, so I reminded her that all she needed to do was give me an answer as to why she wouldn't give the password to my mom, so I asked her again.


    Yes, I know my parents were at work, but like I said, I need an answer. All she had to do was give an answer and then this argument could stop, but she ignored me.


    I get home, and dad's car is at the driveway. We talk, and I read the messages to my step-mom. Now, let me remind you, that this all took place at my mom's house, where I live.


    Apparently, my dad thinks I was "bullying" my 40-year-old step-mom.


    So, while I was reading through the messages, my dad suddenly grabs my phone and we end up playing tug-of-war with it. He gets the phone and I fall backwards out of the chair and into the wall. I get back up, and he keeps taunting me by yelling "You're not such a tough guy anymore, are you!?" and phrases similar to that.


    I then scream at him, "Get the fuck out of this house!" My mom was just standing there while all this was going on. My dad proceeds to physically push me into the wall, and I end up back on the floor. He then gets into my face and yells, "If you ever bully my family again, I will fucking end you!"


    My face was covered in tears, I get my shoes on, and I run out of the door. I felt like none of my family members cared about me. I ran 2 miles to the gas station across the street, before I sat down and thought, "Should I run away from home for good or not?"


    After about an hour and a half, I decide to go back home. I don't talk to anyone for the rest of the day, and I basically lock myself in my room.


    The next day, I learned that I got kicked out of my dad's house AGAIN. I think, "Good. I don't ever want to see that asshole again."


    Dad said he's done with me, and that's fine, because the feeling is mutual.


    So yeah, that happened. I basically disregard that he is related to me. The bastard will realize what he's doing to our relationship eventually, but by then it'll be too late. Hell, it's already too late.


    Sorry I ended up rambling. :P

    • Official Post

    You have my condolences and my sympathy. This is some rough shit.


    My first reaction to reading this is that there are two sides to this story. Given how your dad reacted, though, his side of the story doesn't really matter. Lines were crossed, child abuse happened. Nothing you could have put into a text justifies what he did. If you want to go to the police or find a lawyer, I'd imagine there are avenues for your protection open to you. Obviously I am not a lawyer, it would be irresponsible for me to offer you legal advice, or for you to take anything I say as legal advice. But if it's something you want to pursue, I believe these experiences could carry some weight. If nothing else, having a police record of the incident will prove beneficial if you feel you need to take firmer legal action in the future.


    You are a person with inalienable legal rights. What you're describing is not only assault, but it's assault of a vulnerable individual (i.e. a child). The fact that he's your father doesn't give him the right. It's not 'discipline,' it's a crime.


    All of that being said, I do get the sense that you're giving yourself unhealthy amounts of leeway based on your Asperger's diagnosis. A diagnosis should give you an idea of what you need to do to help yourself function better. It shouldn't be an excuse for bad behavior. "I have X, so I'm just always going to act this way, it can't be helped" is not a helpful or healthy way to think. The world isn't full of social wheelchair ramps for the mentally disabled. You've gotta figure out how to get up those metaphorical stairs, or else you're going to be stuck at the bottom forever complaining about the lack of ramps.


    On a more personal note, "Because I said so" is what stupid adults who have an undeserved sense of superiority over children say. It's what someone says when they believe the person they're speaking to is more a burdensome piece of property than they are an individual person. Fuck em'.

  • Yeah this Link Skywalker guy over here nailed it p much on what I was thinking and more. Sorry to hear that happened and the rambling is definitely understandable. It's sad your dad has his priorities messed up like that, there's definitely a lot to spark anger with what happened.


    Keep your chin up.

    • Official Post

    I also agree with everything LinkSkywalker said.


    From my own experience with Asperger's, I can only confirm what he said - the discovery needs to be a tool of self-understanding, not a pass. Thing is, I don't know you well, if at all, and have no idea about your spectrum severity or overall behaviour, so it's a little unfair to assume you don't already know that based solely on this incident. What he says about your condition being irrelevant to this situation is also true, though - your dad was obviously in the wrong.


    From my experience with a violent father, I know the temptation will be to return to normality once the dust has settled and you run out of angry steam. I'd like to recommend against that, but in the end it's your judgement. Do file a police report. If he has a history of this sort of behaviour, I'd not bother with contact at all again - as he doesn't live with you, it would be a good opportunity to shut the door. If it's a one-off, it will be all the more tempting to return to normality. In this case, if you feel you need closure before turning the lock, try to talk to him about it. He sounds like the kind of guy who would make that futile, but the point isn't only to get a positive response, it's to confirm the choice you make. You'll need to decide beforehand that any reaction other than unreserved apology will result in estrangement. I don't think you're morally obligated to talk to him at all, but equally, it's very difficult for someone of your age to enforce estrangement over an adult with so much power over you, and that might give you a path to achieving that conviction.


    Apologies for the walk-in wisdom, but I do feel like I have some experience in this matter. Anyway, good luck to you, remain positive.

    • Official Post

    There's this fun reversal once you become an adult where suddenly your parents need you more than you need them."Boo hoo, why don't you ever call." "Because you failed to build a good relationship with me when you had the chance."


    Something to look forward to.

  • Here's an update on the dad situation that took place this morning. Just gonna leave a quick rant I did in Skype earlier.


    Today was the first time I have seen/talked with my dad in months. I hoped we could work things out. Here is what happened.


    [3:00:31 PM] Lexatom: He said everything was my fault and he had no wrong
    [3:00:39 PM] Lexatom: Even after I apologized
    [3:00:50 PM] Lexatom: He said he did the right thing when he assaulted me
    [3:)11 PM] Lexatom: He said thaqt even if the talk went well
    [3:)21 PM] Lexatom: I still would not be allowed back at his house for a while
    [3:)34 PM] Lexatom: If only he apologized to me
    [3:)41 PM] Lexatom: Than everything would be fine
    [3:)42 PM] Lexatom: But no
    [3:)45 PM] Lexatom: Not the case
    [3:321 PM] Lexatom: He's doing the same thing to me that he did to my mom 8 years ago
    [3:333 PM] Lexatom: Thinking he was always right and bashing on the other person
    [3:349 PM] Lexatom: And since he still thinks he was right and he didn't apologize
    [3:353 PM] Lexatom: I'm done.
    [3:^o^:14 PM] Lexatom: That's the last time I'm putting up with him


    He's going to regret it, but it's really hard for me to give a shit at this point.


    EDIT - Oh hey Link could you stop smiling in my post please it's kind of out of place.

    • Official Post

    Today was the first time I have seen/talked with my dad in months. I hoped we could work things out. Here is what happened.


    He said everything was my fault and he had no wrong, even after I apologized. He said he did the right thing when he assaulted me. He said that even if the talk went well I still would not be allowed back at his house for a while. If only he apologized to me, then everything would be fine. But no. Not the case. He's doing the same thing to me that he did to my mom 8 years ago. Thinking he was always right and bashing on the other person. And since he still thinks he was right and he didn't apologize. I'm done. That's the last time I'm putting up with him


    He's going to regret it, but it's really hard for me to give a shit at this point.

    Sorry to hear your dad is being so stubborn. I think it can't be helped, it has to be atwo-sidedd effort to mend the bond, otherwise it is just wasted effort. I understand completely you rather not to bother unless you actually see some sign of remorse or at least cares.



    Oh hey Link could you stop smiling in my post please it's kind of out of place.

    A while ago I had tried to add numeric ways to call each, now after some testing I've realised the software automatically discards spaces added after the smilie. I am taking out every number related invocation and shortening the number of ways to get each smile. Hopefully that will fix once for all this Link-popping-out-uncalled situation.

  • He's going to regret it, but it's really hard for me to give a shit at this point.

    Toxic mentality you should get rid off imo. If he doesn't care then whatever but you're sort of expecting karma to do your bidding which is stupid, move on if you really don't care. Like that retarded post skywalker did about looking forward the situation reversing itself it's such a fucking dumb way to deal with this.
    He's not going to regret it cause he sounds like a fucking moron and you shouldn't expect it any other way.

    • Official Post

    Sorry it's (he's) turned out this way. At least now you have that confirmation and you can be confident that you've done all you can. Obviously you need to deal with it in your own way. In the long term, Cressel's probably right that ill feeling is something you want to cleanse yourself of eventually, but that can wait. If it helps you to be angry or resentful to get you through the initial stages, I don't see a problem with that. Heck, you have every right to feel that way.[/stating the obvious]

  • Toxic mentality you should get rid off imo. If he doesn't care then whatever but you're sort of expecting karma to do your bidding which is stupid, move on if you really don't care. Like that retarded post skywalker did about looking forward the situation reversing itself it's such a fucking dumb way to deal with this.
    He's not going to regret it cause he sounds like a fucking moron and you shouldn't expect it any other way.


    I meant he's going to regret it as in, his son doesn't care about him anymore and doesn't want to see him again. There's a possibility I'll never see him again. Even though that is a slim possibility. He doesn't live that far from my house and I live in a small town where you sometimes see people you know like at McDonald's or some shit. I should have specified. My bad.

  • I meant he's going to regret it as in, his son doesn't care about him anymore and doesn't want to see him again.

    Why would he regret it and why do you care if he ever regrets it? I know what you meant but I think it's stupid you over praise his morality as if he would eventually realize he's a fucking idiot.