Dad Situation

You have my condolences and my sympathy. This is some rough shit.

My first reaction to reading this is that there are two sides to this story. Given how your dad reacted, though, his side of the story doesn't really matter. Lines were crossed, child abuse happened. Nothing you could have put into a text justifies what he did. If you want to go to the police or find a lawyer, I'd imagine there are avenues for your protection open to you. Obviously I am not a lawyer, it would be irresponsible for me to offer you legal advice, or for you to take anything I say as legal advice. But if it's something you want to pursue, I believe these experiences could carry some weight. If nothing else, having a police record of the incident will prove beneficial if you feel you need to take firmer legal action in the future.

You are a person with inalienable legal rights. What you're describing is not only assault, but it's assault of a vulnerable individual (i.e. a child). The fact that he's your father doesn't give him the right. It's not 'discipline,' it's a crime.

All of that being said, I do get the sense that you're giving yourself unhealthy amounts of leeway based on your Asperger's diagnosis. A diagnosis should give you an idea of what you need to do to help yourself function better. It shouldn't be an excuse for bad behavior. "I have X, so I'm just always going to act this way, it can't be helped" is not a helpful or healthy way to think. The world isn't full of social wheelchair ramps for the mentally disabled. You've gotta figure out how to get up those metaphorical stairs, or else you're going to be stuck at the bottom forever complaining about the lack of ramps.

On a more personal note, "Because I said so" is what stupid adults who have an undeserved sense of superiority over children say. It's what someone says when they believe the person they're speaking to is more a burdensome piece of property than they are an individual person. Fuck em'.

I also agree with everything LinkSkywalker said.

From my own experience with Asperger's, I can only confirm what he said - the discovery needs to be a tool of self-understanding, not a pass. Thing is, I don't know you well, if at all, and have no idea about your spectrum severity or overall behaviour, so it's a little unfair to assume you don't already know that based solely on this incident. What he says about your condition being irrelevant to this situation is also true, though - your dad was obviously in the wrong.

From my experience with a violent father, I know the temptation will be to return to normality once the dust has settled and you run out of angry steam. I'd like to recommend against that, but in the end it's your judgement. Do file a police report. If he has a history of this sort of behaviour, I'd not bother with contact at all again - as he doesn't live with you, it would be a good opportunity to shut the door. If it's a one-off, it will be all the more tempting to return to normality. In this case, if you feel you need closure before turning the lock, try to talk to him about it. He sounds like the kind of guy who would make that futile, but the point isn't only to get a positive response, it's to confirm the choice you make. You'll need to decide beforehand that any reaction other than unreserved apology will result in estrangement. I don't think you're morally obligated to talk to him at all, but equally, it's very difficult for someone of your age to enforce estrangement over an adult with so much power over you, and that might give you a path to achieving that conviction.

Apologies for the walk-in wisdom, but I do feel like I have some experience in this matter. Anyway, good luck to you, remain positive.

There's this fun reversal once you become an adult where suddenly your parents need you more than you need them."Boo hoo, why don't you ever call." "Because you failed to build a good relationship with me when you had the chance."

Something to look forward to.

Link is a very rude young man.

You may or may not find this subreddit useful to you.

https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/

Quote from Lexatom

Today was the first time I have seen/talked with my dad in months. I hoped we could work things out. Here is what happened.

He said everything was my fault and he had no wrong, even after I apologized. He said he did the right thing when he assaulted me. He said that even if the talk went well I still would not be allowed back at his house for a while. If only he apologized to me, then everything would be fine. But no. Not the case. He's doing the same thing to me that he did to my mom 8 years ago. Thinking he was always right and bashing on the other person. And since he still thinks he was right and he didn't apologize. I'm done. That's the last time I'm putting up with him

He's going to regret it, but it's really hard for me to give a shit at this point.

Sorry to hear your dad is being so stubborn. I think it can't be helped, it has to be atwo-sidedd effort to mend the bond, otherwise it is just wasted effort. I understand completely you rather not to bother unless you actually see some sign of remorse or at least cares.

Quote from Lexatom

Oh hey Link could you stop smiling in my post please it's kind of out of place.

A while ago I had tried to add numeric ways to call each, now after some testing I've realised the software automatically discards spaces added after the smilie. I am taking out every number related invocation and shortening the number of ways to get each smile. Hopefully that will fix once for all this Link-popping-out-uncalled situation.

Sorry it's (he's) turned out this way. At least now you have that confirmation and you can be confident that you've done all you can. Obviously you need to deal with it in your own way. In the long term, Cressel's probably right that ill feeling is something you want to cleanse yourself of eventually, but that can wait. If it helps you to be angry or resentful to get you through the initial stages, I don't see a problem with that. Heck, you have every right to feel that way.[/stating the obvious]